Responsiveness is Not a Proxy for Care
"In today’s culture, responsiveness is a proxy for care."
When I first read that line from Miski Omar's article, my reaction was…
…Ouch, that’s just a little too close to the truth.
I started thinking about the number of ways we can be reached, and the quiet but persistent pressure that creates.
I sometimes respond quickly to messages to show I care, or, more honestly, to make sure I don’t forget to reply. This is especially true of instant messages and social comments. I have better systems for email.
When we rush to reply, our words can lose thoughtfulness. But if we don’t respond, it can look like we don’t care, especially if we forget altogether. That tension sits right at the heart of modern communication.
At work, I have boundaries that help. I rarely reply instantly because I value accuracy. And I’ve learned that the faster I respond, the more emails I receive back (no one wants MORE emails).
In my personal life, though, it’s harder. I still feel the pull to respond quickly, even when I know I need space to think.
I suspect that many of us build systems or simple "rules" for work, but rarely for our personal lives—perhaps because it feels too formal or rigid.
But actually, that’s precisely what we need: personal systems help to reinforce our boundaries.
Do you have systems or rules around messages and email? Do they differ between work and personal life? I’d love to know.
